Dildohead & Noodleshitter > Douchebag

                It amazes me even today how backwards and sexist our society is. It’s insane. Meanwhile people are saying feminism is irrelevant and God I wish they were right but unfortunately…. Not so.

                There is a plague on America today which has had and continues to have a horrible effect on women today. It’s the whole idea about sex that people have, particularly when it comes to girls.

                Promiscuity really is not anything that should be promoted. It’s dangerous for many reasons, and can be very irresponsible. We know this.

                Yet, the insanity and various messages that surround this disgusts me. With one hand society capitalizes on women with nothing to offer save for their bodies, and with the other, we put the idea of virginity on a pedestal as the only truly pure lifestyle whilst condemning any show of sexuality as being whorish or slutty. Though thousands of people pay to exalt the sex-based intellectually-drained products and people publicized by the media, we also seem so afraid of girls becoming part of it that we condemn not only the products but any sort of sexual interest or activity in women in general. It’s insane.

                Let’s face it, being a stripper or prostitute is definitely not an occupation to aspire to. We know that. In fact, we browbeat that and pervert that ideal into damaging and repressive attitudes and efforts. As a result, if a woman wears something slightly revealing (especially if she is young), we call her a slut and a whore. Someone dirty, wrong, and evil.

                We fixate on virginity like anything else is impure or bad. We even refer to it as “purity,” branding sex as dirty and impure. Yet, while we for the most part neglect to give a rat’s ass about the so-called “purity” in males, we insist upon it for girls. Let’s face it, the importance of virginity has always been pitched to young women in ways it never has been to young men. It’s as if women having sex is what’s impure, while men doing it isn’t. Even more so, there is an attitude that not only is a girl only supposed to be a virgin, but that her sexuality should not even fully belong to her, but to the most prominent man in her life, even today.

                You think that’s bullshit? Think that just because girls are allowed economic independence at adult ages as well as legal independence, that just because arranged marriages are now frowned upon in western society, that women are no longer legally anyone’s property that it isn’t true? That I’m just flying off the handle?

                A growing trend among many evangelical groups around the country is the “Purity Ball,” a father-daughter dance during which the father and daughter make vows to each other; the daughter vowing to remain sexually “pure” until marriage, giving her body to no man but her husband and to look to her father to be the guardian, guide and protector of her body and soul until then. The father makes a vow, promising to cover their daughters as their authority and protection over their purity and be an ethical leader of their home. Most of the time rings are exchanged and wedding cake is served. The daughters involved in these events are usually meant to be around an age where they menstruate, but oftentimes daughters  as young a seven attend and make the same vows.

                 Mothers may attend these events but they have no vows made to them and are only there for support, if the father is absent another prominent male figure in the girl’s life is meant to stand in. These events are not only designed to promote sexual “purity” in young women but encourage father-daughter bonding (I’d like to note here that my Dad has had active relationships with my sister and I our whole lives, usually bonding with us by coaching several of our sports teams, attending dance recitals, teaching us to fish, taking us to baseball games, engaging us in political and historical discussions and attending school events.)

                There is no event like this for sons.  Sons don’t have dances like these with their moms and they are not expected to make vows like these to either parent.

                Here are the vows Fathers give during the Purity Vows:

                “I, (daughter’s name)'s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in her area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.”

                Girls stand there and make silent vows usually.

                Rings are not the only things that have been exchanged. Some fathers give their daughters locks and keep the keys, the group understanding that he will be giving the key to her husband on her wedding day.

                Okay, so not only are girls given this special treatment and pressure regarding their sexuality that boys do not have to deal with, they are essentially signing and giving away their sexuality to their fathers until they enter a new contract (marriage) in which they will then sign over their sexuality to another man, their husbands.

                Look, I’m all for father daughter dances. I’ve been to one. It’s fun. And I can understand that maybe the atmosphere of a dance WOULD appeal to girls more. But promoting this event exclusively for girls without having a similar ceremony for boys with the same vows is insanely gross, chauvinistic, and sexist.

                Another thing, basing an event of father-daughter bonding on the daughter’s sexuality is so wrong on so many other levels. First, father’s should not have this much fascination with their daughters being virgins. Second, tying the concept of Daddy loving you and your state of virginity can be psychologically harmful, sending a messed up message as to why Daddy loves you and even the idea that you won’t be Daddy’s little girl if you WERE to lose your virginity based on marriage. Third, some of these girls are insanely young and have no idea what they’re promising, this enforced ignorance and exploitation of it is a threat to a daughter’s free will and understanding of herself as she matures. Fourth, it’s yet another thing that paints sex, especially a woman having sex, as something bad, dirty, and sinful. Fifth, ownership is an enormous theme here. The daughter’s sexuality becomes the responsibility and property of her father until it becomes the responsibility and property of her husband. It no longer belongs to her. NOBODY IS ANYBODY’S PROPERTY. NO WOMAN IS ANY MAN’S PROPERTY.

                The question of a girl’s so-called purity is no longer her choice. That’s fucked up.

                So yeah, ownership is there.

                Ok, now onto sexual repression in general.

                Our exaltation of female virginity has gone way too far ( especially, once again, considering we don’t hold men in the same light). A perfect example?

                Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.

                Forget your opinions of them personally and their music for a second. Just look at this: Britney Spears sold the whole “Virgin Until Marriage” thing while Christina took the image of the sexy siren. Britney Spears was an awful singer who could dance extremely well and was good looking. Christina was just as good looking and could dance just as well; but she also always had an extremely superior voice and a range of multiple octaves. But who sold more? BRITNEY.

                Christina was called a slut, but look at their respective turnouts. I don’t need to go into Britney’s various meltdowns. But Christina? She’s been married to a guy WITH A JOB for several years, has a baby boy, still makes records and tours, still looks hot, still healthy, and her career is still going well.

                But Britney sold more for her virginity while Christina was condemned as a slut. Not only was Christina a victim of the gender double standard, but the fact is that we have no idea how many lovers she had or how responsible she really was regarding sex. So even though she did dress and dance extremely provocatively, she might have been extremely responsible sexually and had very few lovers at all.

                Then there is the whole label of slut. Or skank. Or whore. A skank and a whore is supposed to be the word for someone who is promiscuous. A whore is someone who has sex for money. Yet, girls get called all these things. Guys are not usually called these things, though gay guys do tend to get branded with this more. If a man is called it, he has to be called a man-slut for distinction, which of course just further reinforces the idea that women are just naturally sluts.  Even worse, a girl can be called all of these things without even having sex. Ever. It can be just for taking a picture in a bikini, wearing a revealing outfit, flirting with a lot of guys or girls, kissing someone, or walking around or taking private pictures in their underwear. They don’t have to have sex at all. But apparently, even doing those things are something condemnable.

                Girls can just be called sluts anyways as a casual insult. This is so ingrained in our society that nobody seems to mind or care. They could be called that for things that have nothing to do with sex. Yet this accusation of sexual promiscuity is deemed an appropriate insult for women. The insult is based on being a woman who has sex, and so apparently being a woman who has sex is something so bad we have to have an insulting name for it to give anyone. Because being a woman who has sex is so bad that really it applies to anything negative.

                Meanwhile, “virginity” sells like hotcakes. Teen stars who make public proclamations of abstinence are always the ones that are marketed most (see: Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus). T-shirts and “Purity rings” sell like crazy, even though statistics prove that kids who makes that vow are just as likely to have premarital sex as kids who don’t, they have the same rates of pregnancy and STD’s, are six to eight times more likely to have oral sex, three to four times more likely to have anal sex, usually start having sex earlier, and are far less likely to use protection.

                Yeah.

                And though virginity messages sell, the stigma of “slut” still can invade. Miley Cyrus is now called “Slutty Cyrus” for a bunch of stupid pictures she took which continue to be released gradually on the web. It’s very possible she has never had sex, but she’s apparently still a slut for showing her belly and back.

                Even more insane is how natural an insult “Slut” or similar names seem to be. We don’t think of insulting a girl for being stupid or mean or irresponsible. No, it’s always a more pressing matter to insult her for what she might or might not be doing in bed.

                And the fact is, SEX ISN’T EVIL ANYWAYS. A PERSON SHOULD NOT BE INSULTED OR CONDEMNED FOR BEING SEXUALLY ACTIVE. THEY SHOULD NOT BE EXALTED OR TREATED AS BETTER FOR NOT BEING SEXUALLY ACTIVE. SEX IS A NATURAL, NORMAL, IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE. ACTUALLY, I’M PRETTY SURE THE HUMAN RACE CAN’T SURVIVE WITHOUT IT.

                And we are afraid of sex, especially in America. Watch the documentary This Film Is Not Yet Rated and look at how films are rated. A film like Scary Movie where within the first five minutes a woman gets her fake breast ripped out, then quickly gets killed gets an R rating while a film that shows a glimpse of a woman’s pubic hair like The Cooler in a love-making scene gets an NC-17. Ang Lee’s Lust, Caution gets an NC-17 while a film where a woman is tortured with acid and forced-cannibalism (Captivity) is given an R. Violence and multilation…. Ok….. Someone faking an orgasm… BAD.

                Oddly, we don’t seem to have this sort of sexual fear for the most part when it comes to men, which is funny considering there are more male rapists and pedophiles known to society. Sure, that’s mostly because they have greater upper body strength and because there’s that whole bullshit idea about how women can’t be rapists or pedophiles, but apparently, women should not be having sex anyways, so we’re just supposed to condemn them for that and move on.

                We could blame a good deal of this idiocy and fixation on Christians, and in fact, many people do, after all, the two most important women in the Bible are the Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalene. And for years Mary Magdalene was branded a prostitute, introducing the idea that the only two things women can be are virgins or prostitutes. But actually, it’s not just them. Oppression of women went on way before Christ ever came to Earth, and sexual fear for them goes on still today in areas which are not Christian at all. In Pakistan women are imprisoned for being raped. In some fundamentalist Muslim Countries they can be stoned for it and are forced to be covered from head to toe. In many African Countries, particularly in Zambia, female circumcision still takes place. So no, it’s not just Christianity that is responsible for this bullshit.

                It’s all about the uteris. Women control hereditary lines. And before Western Civilization became progressive, inheritance went to only legitimate children, so a woman had the power to mess up lines of descent by casting doubt over the paternity of a child. In order to stifle their power and also in fits of the female power to create life, women were oppressed. And it still goes on today.

                But I’m not complaining about this solely for the sake of feminism, but what I see as a threat to my generation. Not only is there the demonization and discrediting of feminism caused by both misandry and misogyny, but further demonization as well as promotion of sex in the media. We try to make it more present a thing in popular culture and market it to this generation in many ways which are pure objectification, but then we also tell kids how evil they are for showing interest in it in the first place.

                Unfortunately, a lot of the demonization of sex for girls has also taken place under the guise of empowerment. People trying so hard to instill the idea that us girls should not just try to achieve things through sex appeal and that we’re worth more that society has gotten to the point where we will slander and ostracize girls for exploring their sexuality at all. We want them to not become strippers so badly that we freak out the second the show any interest in sex period. At the same time we market outfits like Danity Kane and The Pussycat Dolls, even calling them empowering in some ways, whilst putting virginity on the pedestal of all that is good.

                So all this virginity/slut stuff browbeaten into the psych’s of women worldwide and now in Western Society we don’t even care to focus much on what could be empowering for girls (and boys): Equality. In popular culture everyone is afraid to talk about feminism and treat it like it’s a dirty word. So the majority of young women and men in the world have no idea about what it is and lose the opportunity to be inspired and appreciate the feminist movement at all. Programs meant to empower women can be unappealing for their exclusion of men while things aimed at kids in general are so patronizing , intimidating, or misleading that they are easily dismissed.

                And yet, we do still need to pay special attention to young women as well as young men, especially in regards to sex (because seriously, the psychological ramifications of what is going on now could have uniquely bad results in the future no one could have predicted). We need to send non-creepy, relatable support for young adults that is not extreme obsessed and doesn’t use scare tactics. We need to finally break free of this social stigma so it stops getting in the way of real issues and we can finally lay gender-centric organizations to rest.

               In the end, this is just another step for social progress.

                Sources:

                Wikipedia

                Perez Hilton